Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I haven’t posted in two days because I was arrested for shorting Goldman Sachs (GS)

Through a carefully calculated raid in the wee hours of Monday morning they broke down the door to our house. Suddenly, in one foul swoop they grabbed me from my crib and cuffed me. I was dead asleep dreaming about the terrific short I laid out at $135.42 and was getting ready to cover with a $115 bid GTC. I had 20 handles on 10 shares ($200 profit) which would have been a 5 week supply of organic milk.  

I was absolutely humiliated. This was far more embarrassing then pooping in my pants. This was uncalled for. They even arrested my cat Trevor because they deemed him dangerous because he was not declawed. They made me sleep in the same cell with a person named Bernie Ebbers. He was ranting something to the tune of, "I am the king of the Worldcom". Anyways, my trading record is as follows.

I was short GS but they cancelled the trade  due to the naked short.

Still short 30 shares CALM @ 40.41

Here is the summons that was issued to me for numerous violations. Too bad Johnny Cochran isn't around anymore. I would have been easily acquitted.

"If the baby can't talk, then he must walk."